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A New ME-P Feature
By Ann Miller RN MHA
[Executive-Director]
The Set-Up
A motorcycle patrolman was rushed to the hospital with an inflamed appendix. The doctors operated and advised him that all was well; however, the patrolman kept feeling something pulling at the hairs in his crotch. Worried that there might be a second surgery that the doctors hadn’t told him about it, he finally got enough energy to pull his hospital gown up so he could look at what was making him so uncomfortable.
The Punch-Line
Taped firmly across his pubic hair and private parts were three wide strips of adhesive tape, the kind that doesn’t come off easily, if at all. Written on the tape in large black letters was the sentence, ‘Get well soon, from the nurse in the Jeep you pulled over last week.’
Assessment
Kinda brings tears to your eyes doesn’t it!
Conclusion
And so, your thoughts and comments on this new ME-P feature are appreciated. Send in your jokes, puns and funny anectdotes. Keep them relevant to the financial services, healthcare and consulting management space. Or – at least germane to an existing post.
And, please review our top-left column, and top-right sidebar materials, links, URLs and related websites, too. Then, subscribe to the ME-P. It is fast, free and secure.
Link: http://feeds.feedburner.com/HealthcareFinancialsthePostForcxos
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Filed under: Jokes and Puns | Tagged: accounting jokes, consultant jokes, doctor jokes, Financial and Management Jokes, lawyer jokes, medical jokes, nurse jokes |
The Leading Business Education Network for Doctors, Financial Advisors and Health Industry Consultants 
On the ACA
A liberal congressman was seated next to a little girl on an airplane so he turned to her and asked, “Do you want to talk? Flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.”
The little girl, who had just started to read her book, replied to the total stranger, “What would you want to talk about?”
“Oh, I don’t know,” said the congressman. “How about global warming, universal health care, or stimulus packages?” as he smiled smugly.
“OK,” she said. “Those could be interesting topics but let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff – grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, but a horse produces clumps. Why do you suppose that is?”
The legislator, visibly surprised by the little girl’s intelligence, thinks about it and says, “Hmmm, I have no idea.”
To which the little girl replied, “Well then, do you really feel qualified to discuss global warming, universal health care, or the economy, when you don’t know shit?”
####
PS: Great new feature.
Nurse Rita
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HILLBILLY VASECTOMY
After their 11th child, a hillbilly couple decided that was enough, as they could not afford a larger bed.
So, the husband went to his veterinarian and told him that he and his cousin didn’t want to have any more children. The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem but that it was expensive.
‘A less costly alternative, ‘ said the doctor, ‘is to go home, get a cherry bomb, (fireworks are legal in hillbilly country) light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to your ear and count to 10.’
The hillbilly said to the doctor, ‘I may not be the smartest tool in the shed, but I don’t see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me.’
‘Trust me,’ said the doctor.
So the man went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a beer can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count! ‘1’ ‘2’ ‘3’ ‘4 ‘5’
At which point, he paused, placed the beer can between his legs and continued counting … on his other hand.
Sharon
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Without looking up from his work, a proctologist mutters, “Damn I’m glad I’m not a dentist.”
D. Kellus Pruitt DDS
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Ann
Willie the Whale and his whale girlfriend, Monica, are swimming happily through the ocean when they come upon a boat. On seeing the boat, Willie says, “Hey, I’ve got a great idea! Let’s swim up under that boat and blow out really hard through our blowholes!”
Monica says, “Oh, I don’t know…”
“Come on, it’ll be fun, come on, just this once!”, says Willie.
Monica agrees and they swim up under the boat and blow out, capsizing the boat and sending hapless sailors into the briny blue.
As they are swimming away, Willie says, “Wow, that was fun, wasn’t it? Hey! I’ve got another idea! Let’s swim back there and eat all the sailors!”
To which Monica, exasperated, replies, “Look, I agreed to the blow job, but I’m not swallowing any seamen.”
Elizabeth
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Medical Texingt Abbreviations for Older [Mature] Patients and Doctors
ATD – at the doctor.
BFF – best friend fell.
BTW – bring the wheelchair.
BYOT – bring your own teeth.
FWIW – forgot where I was.
GGPBL – gotta go, pacemaker battery low.
GHA – got heartburn again.
IMHO – is my hearing aid on?
LMDO – laughing my dentures out.
OMMR – on my massage recliner.
ROFLACGU – rolling on floor laughing and can’t get up.
TTYL – talk to you louder!
Enjoy in jest and love.
Rifka
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On immigration
“President Obama addressed a party fundraiser in New York recently where he promised Democrats he’ll get immigration reform passed.
In fact, he spoke at length about how immigration is good for the United States. Maria Shriver has been granted equal time to deliver the rebuttal.”
via comedian Argus Hamilton
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Dr. Marcinko,
“I spent many years dealing with time value of money and now, with current interest rates that means almost nothing.”
I have never invested in a fixed returned product … Interest rates have no bearing on me at this point…. Other than to borrow money on the cheap… But I don’t believe borrowing money at this stage in life … No need to … I’m a doctor …
Pay cash for what you want… And, if you do not have the cash to buy it … YOU CANNOT AFFORD IT….
I just turned 48 this month … When I was looking for a car for the wife, I saw one that I wanted her to see. We went to Fort Meyers to see the car, she liked it and I put a deposit on it. Told them I would be back later that week and pick up the car….
I drove over with a friend wearing my Blue Jeans and Crocodile Boots. The owner said I love your boots … I said they are Crocodile and I have a wallet just like it…
We went over the car and paperwork. After everything was in order I looked at him and said I guess you want to be paid … He nodded yes.
I reached down and pulled $26,000 out of my Boots … I looked up and said they double as a wallet … He looked at his shorts and flip flops and said “I need to get me some … Flip Flops don’t cut it …”
Dr. Ferguson
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Please forgive me
This guy went to the doctor and said to him “Doctor….I don’t know what’s wrong with me, but every time I fart, it sounds like the word HONDA”.
“That’s interesting, never heard of anything like that before. Do you think you could fart for me?” says the doctor.
The guy says “Sure.” And sure enough, the doctor hears “HONDA”.
After several attempts to figure out what’s wrong with this guy, the doctor runs out of ideas. He sends him to all sorts of stomach specialists and none of them can figure out why this guys farts say “HONDA.” It is a completely out of this world medical condition.
Finally, as a last resort, the doctors think they should send the man to a dentist. After explaining the problem to the dentist, the dentist opened up the guys mouth and examining it.
The dentist says “A-haa!!!!….I have solved the problem.”
The patient says “What is it? What is it. Please tell me doc”…..
The dentist replies “Well, sir, you have an abscess tooth.”
The guy says “Yeah….so….What has that got to do with my farts?”
The dentist replies, “Cant you see??….. Abscess Makes The Fart Go HONDA”
Darrell
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A Surgical Joke
Five surgeons from big cities are discussing who makes the best patients to operate on:
The first surgeon, from Sydney, says, ‘I like to see accountants on my operating table because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered.’
The second, from Brisbane, responds, ‘Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is color coded.’
The third surgeon, from Perth, says, ‘No, I really think librarians are the best, everything inside them is in alphabetical order.’
The fourth surgeon, from Canberra chimes in: ‘You know, I like construction workers…Those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over.’
But the fifth surgeon, from Melbourne shut them all up when he observed: ‘You’re all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There’s no guts, no heart, no balls, no brains, and no spine.
Plus, the head and the *– are interchangeable.’
The Scalpel
[Down-Under]
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Home – Or Away?
A famous surgeon went on a safari in Africa. When he came back, his colleagues asked him how it had been. ‘Oh, it was very disappointing,’ he said. ‘I didn’t kill a thing. I’d have been better off staying here in the hospital.’
Rifka
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Wank that tooth
The dentist pulls out a Novocain needle to give the man a shot, so he can extract the man’s tooth. ‘No way! No needles. I hate needles’ the patient said.
The dentist starts to hook up the nitrous oxide and the man objects I can’t do the gas thing. The thought of having the gas mask on is suffocating to me! The dentist then asks the patient if he has any objection to taking a pill. ‘No objection,’ the patient says. ‘I’m fine with pills.’
The dentist then returns and says, here’s a Viagra tablet.’
The patient says, ‘Wow! I didn’t know Viagra worked as a pain killer!’
It doesn’t’ said the dentist, ‘but it’s going to give you something to hold on to when I pull your tooth.
Elizabeth
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