A New ME-P Feature
By Ann Miller RN MHA
[Executive-Director]
The Set-Up
A motorcycle patrolman was rushed to the hospital with an inflamed appendix. The doctors operated and advised him that all was well; however, the patrolman kept feeling something pulling at the hairs in his crotch. Worried that there might be a second surgery that the doctors hadn’t told him about it, he finally got enough energy to pull his hospital gown up so he could look at what was making him so uncomfortable.
The Punch-Line
Taped firmly across his pubic hair and private parts were three wide strips of adhesive tape, the kind that doesn’t come off easily, if at all. Written on the tape in large black letters was the sentence, ‘Get well soon, from the nurse in the Jeep you pulled over last week.’
Assessment
Kinda brings tears to your eyes doesn’t it!
Conclusion
And so, your thoughts and comments on this new ME-P feature are appreciated. Send in your jokes, puns and funny anectdotes. Keep them relevant to the financial services, healthcare and consulting management space. Or – at least germane to an existing post.
And, please review our top-left column, and top-right sidebar materials, links, URLs and related websites, too. Then, subscribe to the ME-P. It is fast, free and secure.
Link: http://feeds.feedburner.com/HealthcareFinancialsthePostForcxos
Filed under: Jokes and Puns Tagged: | accounting jokes, consultant jokes, doctor jokes, Financial and Management Jokes, lawyer jokes, medical jokes, nurse jokes
On the ACA
A liberal congressman was seated next to a little girl on an airplane so he turned to her and asked, “Do you want to talk? Flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.”
The little girl, who had just started to read her book, replied to the total stranger, “What would you want to talk about?”
“Oh, I don’t know,” said the congressman. “How about global warming, universal health care, or stimulus packages?” as he smiled smugly.
“OK,” she said. “Those could be interesting topics but let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff – grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, but a horse produces clumps. Why do you suppose that is?”
The legislator, visibly surprised by the little girl’s intelligence, thinks about it and says, “Hmmm, I have no idea.”
To which the little girl replied, “Well then, do you really feel qualified to discuss global warming, universal health care, or the economy, when you don’t know shit?”
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PS: Great new feature.
Nurse Rita
HILLBILLY VASECTOMY
After their 11th child, a hillbilly couple decided that was enough, as they could not afford a larger bed.
So, the husband went to his veterinarian and told him that he and his cousin didn’t want to have any more children. The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem but that it was expensive.
‘A less costly alternative, ‘ said the doctor, ‘is to go home, get a cherry bomb, (fireworks are legal in hillbilly country) light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to your ear and count to 10.’
The hillbilly said to the doctor, ‘I may not be the smartest tool in the shed, but I don’t see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me.’
‘Trust me,’ said the doctor.
So the man went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a beer can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count! ’1′ ’2′ ’3′ ’4 ’5′
At which point, he paused, placed the beer can between his legs and continued counting … on his other hand.
Sharon
Without looking up from his work, a proctologist mutters, “Damn I’m glad I’m not a dentist.”
D. Kellus Pruitt DDS
Ann
Willie the Whale and his whale girlfriend, Monica, are swimming happily through the ocean when they come upon a boat. On seeing the boat, Willie says, “Hey, I’ve got a great idea! Let’s swim up under that boat and blow out really hard through our blowholes!”
Monica says, “Oh, I don’t know…”
“Come on, it’ll be fun, come on, just this once!”, says Willie.
Monica agrees and they swim up under the boat and blow out, capsizing the boat and sending hapless sailors into the briny blue.
As they are swimming away, Willie says, “Wow, that was fun, wasn’t it? Hey! I’ve got another idea! Let’s swim back there and eat all the sailors!”
To which Monica, exasperated, replies, “Look, I agreed to the blow job, but I’m not swallowing any seamen.”
Elizabeth
Medical Texingt Abbreviations for Older [Mature] Patients and Doctors
ATD – at the doctor.
BFF – best friend fell.
BTW – bring the wheelchair.
BYOT – bring your own teeth.
FWIW – forgot where I was.
GGPBL – gotta go, pacemaker battery low.
GHA – got heartburn again.
IMHO – is my hearing aid on?
LMDO – laughing my dentures out.
OMMR – on my massage recliner.
ROFLACGU – rolling on floor laughing and can’t get up.
TTYL – talk to you louder!
Enjoy in jest and love.
Rifka
On immigration
“President Obama addressed a party fundraiser in New York recently where he promised Democrats he’ll get immigration reform passed.
In fact, he spoke at length about how immigration is good for the United States. Maria Shriver has been granted equal time to deliver the rebuttal.”
via comedian Argus Hamilton
Dr. Marcinko,
“I spent many years dealing with time value of money and now, with current interest rates that means almost nothing.”
I have never invested in a fixed returned product … Interest rates have no bearing on me at this point…. Other than to borrow money on the cheap… But I don’t believe borrowing money at this stage in life … No need to … I’m a doctor …
Pay cash for what you want… And, if you do not have the cash to buy it … YOU CANNOT AFFORD IT….
I just turned 48 this month … When I was looking for a car for the wife, I saw one that I wanted her to see. We went to Fort Meyers to see the car, she liked it and I put a deposit on it. Told them I would be back later that week and pick up the car….
I drove over with a friend wearing my Blue Jeans and Crocodile Boots. The owner said I love your boots … I said they are Crocodile and I have a wallet just like it…
We went over the car and paperwork. After everything was in order I looked at him and said I guess you want to be paid … He nodded yes.
I reached down and pulled $26,000 out of my Boots … I looked up and said they double as a wallet … He looked at his shorts and flip flops and said “I need to get me some … Flip Flops don’t cut it …”
Dr. Ferguson